Herbalife Challenge - I did a bad thing

I did a bad thing.

I knew better. I knew not to do it. I KNEW BETTER. But, I caved-in to the temptation. I weighed myself Monday morning, day 4 of the challenge. And...

I've gained a pound.

This is the point when I usually quit whatever weight loss plan I'm doing. This is what always happens. I watch what I eat, though not obsessively. I exercise. I drink lots of water. And, I gain weight. Never mind that I'm eating fewer and healthier things. Never mind that I feel better and have more energy. Never mind that I can see more muscle tone and already feel the tautness on the backs of my thighs. Never mind normal day-to-day weight fluctuations. That all-important number on the scale went up instead of down. I want to quit. I want to give up. I want to stop the hard work because for me it's easier to be fat and unhappy than to do the work to be slim, happy and healthy. It's easy to put everyone else first, to spend all of my time caring for my husband and our children. It's hard to put so much emphasis on myself, to really look at myself and my body and make improvements. It's hard for me to make time for myself, to do anything for myself. That isn't as noble as it may sound.

It's times like these when that old familiar, haunting voice slinks back into my mind from childhood and my high school days. You'll never be good enough. You'll never be pretty enough. You'll never be thin enough. You will NEVER be enough. My response usually goes like this: I know people are kind enough to sort of love me now, as I am. But, what if they don't love me through the process of becoming happier and healthier? What if they don't like the end result? What if I can't be any thinner than I am now? What if no one ever likes anything I write about any topic? What if I'm never able to write a screenplay and see it produced? What if I'm never a good enough writer to be published even in a local magazine or newspaper? Am I supposed to just accept the way I am and never try to change, never try to pursue my goals and God-driven dreams for fear of failing or losing someone's love? I've almost always believed that voice, yielded to its power.

But, not today. I will do what's hard. I have a husband who deeply loves me. I have two precious little boys who deeply love me. Me. Obese or fit. Hideous or gorgeous. Published or not. Success or failure. They deserve my best effort. I deserve my best effort. We deserve to see me become the best Chenell Cypert I can be. And, then keep getting better. Keep trying new things and learning about things and writing new stories and loving my family and friends more and more every day. I thank God for the people in my life, for giving me life. For the plans He has for me, to prosper me and not harm me. What He has prepared for me that I can't even fathom. He looks at my dreams and says, "Dream bigger. And, watch me bring it to pass." I thank God for God, for who He is and what He does. I thank Him for inspiring people to write the books of the Bible and more people to translate it into a language I can understand. I thank Him for giving me this book that is full of declarations of His love for me. I thank Him for daily showing me His love, for pursuing me wholeheartedly, for caring about my dreams and my goals. I'm so grateful that He never looks at me and says, "You're enough." He tells me I'm so much more than that. So, I'll do what's hard. I'll do it for Him, for my family, my friends and myself. And, for people I may never meet but who can be encouraged by part of my story.